I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
