They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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