She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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