jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
