His hands were made for my vagina.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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