How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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