I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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