finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
