I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
