I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
