btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
