I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
