his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
