Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
