and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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