I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
