literally had 100 drinks last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize