i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
