Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
