I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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