she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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