I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize