Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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