He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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