Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
