I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
