I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
