you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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