i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize