Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
