Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry about my life...
I'm too high and old for this...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
