I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
