they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Two words: nipple clamps
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