We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
