I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
