my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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