Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
