he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
