He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
