I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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