well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
