I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
