no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
