I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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