I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
