The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize