I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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