it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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