i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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