The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
