I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
