I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You've changed since you got that strap on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
