I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
