Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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