Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize