oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
