5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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