I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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