Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
