Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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