John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
