We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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