it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
